This Constant Hot Mess

I'm so lost yet found,
Where to begin?
In this war of love,
No one ever seems to win.
For the past few weeks,
I've been this constant hot mess.
I never got over you,
I really must confess.
What I always wonder,
Is do you still love me?
Do you ever sit and think,
Of how it could be?
STOP.
There's really no time for this,
I really must go.
So I paint on this smile,
And put on this shitty show.
You never think of me,
I never cross your mind.
You probably no longer love me,
I'm the worst you could find.
But always know,
I do love you.
I'm still sitting here waiting,
If only you knew.