A Simple Little Rant

Why is it that whenever I say goodbye you give a retort? Its how its always been. Why? Is it because something deep inside tells you to keep going? To keep replying. To keep egging on the conversation. No. You'd deny that immediately. Always too scared to admit, even to yourself, what really lies inside. I tried for half a year to understand what went on inside that head, but I always failed. You always changed and I couldn't keep up. I became not enough. I was left behind. This was never the first time, and it'll never be the last. This is how it shall always be between us. This silly game of cat and mouse, with neither one of us wanting the other to win. We fight. Constantly. Never really a peaceful word between us. Even when we do spit out a compliment, we don't mean it. Secretly we both wish for the same thing. Longing that the other isn't doing as well as they had. Together. Together as one. So we fight. Fight. Never giving up until its too late, then still continuing. Its how it will always be. We can't stop it. No matter how many times we say goodbye. But alas, goodbye is never what we mean. Goodbye is always a new beginning for us. Its the last thing we can cling to to keep us going. You were me and I was you at one point, but with that point we drew a fine line and walked away. Well, you did. I just followed like a sad puppy with my tail between my legs. I finally gave up. I let you give the final blow and I fell to the floor. I let you win. But there's still that ache, that longing inside. I always wonder if you have it as well. You have to. You just have to have it. You told me the same things I told you. Those three simple words. I know you meant it. So you must feel it. But, you're too scare. You always have been. That's ok. Ok... not really. But you said you did what you had to do. And so now I am as well. I'm sorry. Now you know how I feel. I still feel like I did that fifth day of the twelfth month. It won't change. I won't change. But we've hardened. We hardened because of what you did. And I understand. Its just hectic. Not that simple anymore. Thus the feelings of artificial hate we have for one another. I'll die before I change the way I look at you. Goodbye.

Magical Thinking Gets Us By

You're starting to grow up now,
As you sit in your apartment and cry.
The world seems so mean now,
But all you can do is try.
The sunlight brings new horizons,
You're just another person in the crowd.
And when you open your mouth,
Your words never come out loud.
But you never give up,
Keeping your head held high.
Always looking for that special something,
Just trying to get by.
At night the darkness lingers,
It's the same old frightening fears.
Hoping the monsters won't get you,
Wishing that he was here.
Never worrying about life,
With him time always flies.
Together there's forever and always,
Magical thinking gets us by.

I've Got a Secret (Part II)

A silence falls upon us all,
No one knows what to say.
Erie eyes cast a circle,
Each go in different ways.
Always hand in hand,
And a smile on each face.
These people think they're "best friends",
But that is surely not the case.
Each one holds something close,
A secret the other doesn't know.
But they always shrug it off,
Hoping it won't show.
They go about their lives,
Thinking its okay.
Lying to one another,
Making it day to day.
So until their dying breath,
They believe they have it covered.
But to their dismay,
Each "best friend" knew what hovered.

In Need of Some Direction

These days seem to go by so slow,
Yet the time passes so fast.
I always seem to falter,
And a moment never seems to last.
Lately I've been kind of lost,
In need of some direction.
I fell into your arms,
With a need of affection.
I run my fingers through my hair,
And I look into your eyes.
Crack a grin, nod my head,
I look past all your lies.
It's never an easy journey,
This path we call love.
But we always stick through it,
When push comes to shove.
So I'll drink to your health,
A nice bottle of red wine.
Because I've come to realize,
You're the best that's been mine.

Was Right All Along

I sit here and rip my hair out,
Just wanting to scream.
Life changes in the instant,
Do you know what I mean?
I hit my head against the desk,
You give me so many reasons.
Your attitude always changes,
Like the changing of the seasons.
I've been trying to stay calm,
Though my life's been so shitty.
I bite back my tongue,
Not to be crude and so witty.
I love you so much,
If only you could see.
That what I am right now,
Is what I'm meant to be.
So to make the time go by,
I listen to the same damn tune.
So I'll write another love song,
Until I see you soon.
Right by your side,
Is where I always belong,
Please don't say I told you so,
For I was right all along.

Dear Aber,

I've had my feelings of lingering,
Like the cool wind on your back.
Walking down the path of life,
You always seem to get off track.
I've loved and been hurt,
Had my fair share of tears.
But dear Aber,
You got rid of my fears.
I know Aber won't leave me,
Because he said that it's true.
That when the days get colder,
Everything turns a deeper blue.
He's the warmth in the sun,
The sparkle in the North star.
Like a much needed smile,
I know he's not far.
No way you're taking me down,
Though these days keep me up at night.
I'll stay awake with Aber,
Until the morning light.
Though I might can't hold you,
You're the love that's within.
Dear Aber this is your chapter,
And I don't know where to begin.

Here's A Little Story

Now here's a little story,
About a boy who was dying.
Everything crumbled down around him,
But he kept on trying.
Each night he layed down,
He listened to his own heart beat.
What he wanted was so simple,
Yet all he saw was defeat.
He woke up each morning,
And looked into the mirror.
His presence was disappearing,
Each day it became clearer.
He lost his balance time and again,
In the process breaking his own heart.
But he never gave up,
Always getting back up for a new start.
Someone once told him,
That for love you must wait.
So he waited for forever,
And then in came fate.
Tall, dark, and superman,
An angel was sent from above.
He answered all his dreams,
Gave him all his love.
The days became shorter,
And the wind blew cool.
Everything was perfect,
But this boy was no fool.
He knew he didn't deserve this,
It was all too much.
Though he ached for the angel,
And ached for his touch.
The day he was alone,
The boy threw the ring into the river.
He wasn't what the angel needed,
This realization sent down a shiver.
Selfish was what he was being,
But he couldn't help it one bit.
He knew he had to let go,
Though he always gave a fit.
Now this boy grew to love the angel,
More and more each day.
He prayed to God above,
That this is how it'd stay.
But the Lord is the creator,
And love is the game.
All alone in this world,
The boy couldn't utter his name.
He pushed the angel away,
And ran into the dark.
Hurting them both,
He left his mark.
Now take into consideration,
This story is all true.
Not a make believe fairytale,
But a story of me and you.
The boy had lost his way,
Cold and completely broken.
But every night he cursed,
And the words were never spoken.
His heart was on the verge of stopping,
He didn't know what to do.
So he screamed at the Heavens above,
To send him some kind of clue.
The sounds of love echoed,
Lightning struck down with thunder.
But he wasn't what the angel wanted,
And this made him shudder.
He knew that things happen,
And people tend to change.
He ran out of time,
Things became rearranged.
With his last thought,
He learnt to never say never.
And with his last breath,
Uttered "I'll love you forever".

I've Got A Secret

My smile is usually fake,
I seem to be the only one to try.
I'll never admit I love you,
I sit on my floor and cry.
You're the best thing that's ever been mine,
I've been in love with a dancer.
I constantly look at your Facebook,
And I have got cancer.
I've never forgiven my mom,
"Party in the U.S.A" is my jam.
Chocolate is my guilty pleasure,
I'm usually always awake at 4AM.
My little sister and I aren't related,
I've tried weed.
I've failed more than once,
In a dance I can't take the lead.
I've kissed more than ten people,
I hardly ever wear socks.
I kind of like country music,
I like to be the boy that shocks.
I have a tendency to talk to my cat,
I've never had detention.
I'm not really good at anything,
And I really like attention.
Secrets are such a beautiful thing, but used the wrong way they can destroy. We all go through life hiding something. If we never release it, it'll always haunt us. These are but a few of the things I hide and keep to myself. I'm sharing to the world because I need this sweet relieve, a secret escape. As I write, I find out more about myself than I previously knew. I believe it is very important to get your feelings out in the open. Always take the risk and live on a whim. Always keep your head high and your heart open. It's never to late to speak up.

I Wonder if You Understand?

spinning rounD and round,
singing horribly off tune.
you're the one i wAnt,
since the beginning of june.
to you i was a no one,
just some litte, far off kid.
but as fall took its course,
i fell upon your grid.
the sunny day we met,
was like something from a book.
and the fairytale began,
from the Very first look.
you've been my superman from the start,
but I watch you fly away.
always left here wondering,
if you'll come back another day.
the moment i saiD "i love you",
my heart was ready to break.
i was wishing for the same,
and the pain for yoU to take.
i'm hoping i've grown on you,
Like you have grown on me.
hand in hand forever,
because you know I don't want to be free.
thiS can be taken as a final goodbye,
or taken the way its meant.
i'm Screaming at you now,
to give me some kind of hint.
i want you to be minE,
like i've said so many times before.
i love you, i love you, i love you forever,
now i'm living for Sure.

Killing Yourself Slowly

When you're all alone and broken,
Your mind speaks louder than your heart.
Give into the shattering pain,
As your life starts to fall apart.
You lose the innocence you once had,
And wish you could go back to the day.
Back to when life was simple,
And things went your way.
Life is all fun and games,
Until you realize what you've lost.
But you keep doing what you do,
Killing yourself slowly at what cost?
The ones you love are gone forever,
And you're left to live with your fear.
You think if you pull the trigger,
You can quietly disappear.
Now you lay your self down to sleep,
And wonder why there's no light.
You're all alone in this big, big world,
As you turn over and fade into the night.

I Admired From Afar... Now Look Where We Are, Love

I remember you as the boy,
I admired from afar.
Never thinking that one day,
You'd be my shooting star.
Watching your life through pictures,
Complimenting them with a smile.
Now you make my heart skip beats,
Damn... it's been a while.
The way your brown eyes sparkle,
You'd swear they're stars in the sky.
I'm always puzzled by how you keep me tounge-tied,
But I never dare ask why.
Messy hair and morning breath,
Never seems to stop your kiss.
Wrapped up cozy in your arms,
Your smile is pure bliss.
Though these time may be rough,
You stick around with a heart so big.
Your love I souly don't deserve,
But it's something I can dig.
(See what I did there?
I used some slang.
Now just close your eyes and imagine,
Me sayin' this in my country twang.)
You're the ball of fire,
That keeps my satilite in orbit.
I'll fight for your warmth,
And never shall I forfeit.
Just take my hand and be patient,
I'm willing to come around sooner or later.
Until then it will haunt me,
'Cause nothing I can find is greater.

8:28PM (We Were Crowned)

I wish I could tell you,
The things that need to be said.
I'll be dreaming of you,
As I'm tucked into my bed.
Safe in your amrs,
Is where I want to be.
Here's a simple equation:
Life without you means there's no me.
Just the thought of you lately,
Has a tendency to keep me awake.
And when I'm alone like this,
It's the ghost of you I can't shake.
Without you by my side I hardly exsist,
So I bleed my heart out for you.
I want you to see the things I can't say,
As my lips start to turn blue.
It was cold and it was wet,
As I opened my eyes to see your face.
The moment we left,
I knew there with you was my place.
I left little things behind,
To remind you and be clever.
Though we might not be the same next time,
I will love you forever.
While you left me for a bit,
And I was all alone.
I did two things,
And now they'll be shown.
The picture in your photobooth,
Is stupid, yes I know.
But the face is to remind you,
For the world we can put on a show.
The sticky note on your laptop,
I had no other place to put it.
It reads "I love you.",
Because together we're a perfect fit.
I laughed and chuckled,
As we headed out the door.
For the pillow on your bed,
Was thrown onto the floor.
Driving dark,
And driving deep.
"Long Live" came on,
And I began to weep.
I hid my face,
And the tears I shed.
I smiled at you,
As I shook my head.
We started this journey as strangers,
But along the way we were crowned.
Never knowing what the future had in store,
But with one another love was found.
So at 8:28PM,
I might have kissed you for the last time.
But no matter what happens,
You will ALWAYS be mine.