A Simple Little Rant

Why is it that whenever I say goodbye you give a retort? Its how its always been. Why? Is it because something deep inside tells you to keep going? To keep replying. To keep egging on the conversation. No. You'd deny that immediately. Always too scared to admit, even to yourself, what really lies inside. I tried for half a year to understand what went on inside that head, but I always failed. You always changed and I couldn't keep up. I became not enough. I was left behind. This was never the first time, and it'll never be the last. This is how it shall always be between us. This silly game of cat and mouse, with neither one of us wanting the other to win. We fight. Constantly. Never really a peaceful word between us. Even when we do spit out a compliment, we don't mean it. Secretly we both wish for the same thing. Longing that the other isn't doing as well as they had. Together. Together as one. So we fight. Fight. Never giving up until its too late, then still continuing. Its how it will always be. We can't stop it. No matter how many times we say goodbye. But alas, goodbye is never what we mean. Goodbye is always a new beginning for us. Its the last thing we can cling to to keep us going. You were me and I was you at one point, but with that point we drew a fine line and walked away. Well, you did. I just followed like a sad puppy with my tail between my legs. I finally gave up. I let you give the final blow and I fell to the floor. I let you win. But there's still that ache, that longing inside. I always wonder if you have it as well. You have to. You just have to have it. You told me the same things I told you. Those three simple words. I know you meant it. So you must feel it. But, you're too scare. You always have been. That's ok. Ok... not really. But you said you did what you had to do. And so now I am as well. I'm sorry. Now you know how I feel. I still feel like I did that fifth day of the twelfth month. It won't change. I won't change. But we've hardened. We hardened because of what you did. And I understand. Its just hectic. Not that simple anymore. Thus the feelings of artificial hate we have for one another. I'll die before I change the way I look at you. Goodbye.