A Simple Little Rant

Why is it that whenever I say goodbye you give a retort? Its how its always been. Why? Is it because something deep inside tells you to keep going? To keep replying. To keep egging on the conversation. No. You'd deny that immediately. Always too scared to admit, even to yourself, what really lies inside. I tried for half a year to understand what went on inside that head, but I always failed. You always changed and I couldn't keep up. I became not enough. I was left behind. This was never the first time, and it'll never be the last. This is how it shall always be between us. This silly game of cat and mouse, with neither one of us wanting the other to win. We fight. Constantly. Never really a peaceful word between us. Even when we do spit out a compliment, we don't mean it. Secretly we both wish for the same thing. Longing that the other isn't doing as well as they had. Together. Together as one. So we fight. Fight. Never giving up until its too late, then still continuing. Its how it will always be. We can't stop it. No matter how many times we say goodbye. But alas, goodbye is never what we mean. Goodbye is always a new beginning for us. Its the last thing we can cling to to keep us going. You were me and I was you at one point, but with that point we drew a fine line and walked away. Well, you did. I just followed like a sad puppy with my tail between my legs. I finally gave up. I let you give the final blow and I fell to the floor. I let you win. But there's still that ache, that longing inside. I always wonder if you have it as well. You have to. You just have to have it. You told me the same things I told you. Those three simple words. I know you meant it. So you must feel it. But, you're too scare. You always have been. That's ok. Ok... not really. But you said you did what you had to do. And so now I am as well. I'm sorry. Now you know how I feel. I still feel like I did that fifth day of the twelfth month. It won't change. I won't change. But we've hardened. We hardened because of what you did. And I understand. Its just hectic. Not that simple anymore. Thus the feelings of artificial hate we have for one another. I'll die before I change the way I look at you. Goodbye.

Magical Thinking Gets Us By

You're starting to grow up now,
As you sit in your apartment and cry.
The world seems so mean now,
But all you can do is try.
The sunlight brings new horizons,
You're just another person in the crowd.
And when you open your mouth,
Your words never come out loud.
But you never give up,
Keeping your head held high.
Always looking for that special something,
Just trying to get by.
At night the darkness lingers,
It's the same old frightening fears.
Hoping the monsters won't get you,
Wishing that he was here.
Never worrying about life,
With him time always flies.
Together there's forever and always,
Magical thinking gets us by.

I've Got a Secret (Part II)

A silence falls upon us all,
No one knows what to say.
Erie eyes cast a circle,
Each go in different ways.
Always hand in hand,
And a smile on each face.
These people think they're "best friends",
But that is surely not the case.
Each one holds something close,
A secret the other doesn't know.
But they always shrug it off,
Hoping it won't show.
They go about their lives,
Thinking its okay.
Lying to one another,
Making it day to day.
So until their dying breath,
They believe they have it covered.
But to their dismay,
Each "best friend" knew what hovered.

In Need of Some Direction

These days seem to go by so slow,
Yet the time passes so fast.
I always seem to falter,
And a moment never seems to last.
Lately I've been kind of lost,
In need of some direction.
I fell into your arms,
With a need of affection.
I run my fingers through my hair,
And I look into your eyes.
Crack a grin, nod my head,
I look past all your lies.
It's never an easy journey,
This path we call love.
But we always stick through it,
When push comes to shove.
So I'll drink to your health,
A nice bottle of red wine.
Because I've come to realize,
You're the best that's been mine.

Was Right All Along

I sit here and rip my hair out,
Just wanting to scream.
Life changes in the instant,
Do you know what I mean?
I hit my head against the desk,
You give me so many reasons.
Your attitude always changes,
Like the changing of the seasons.
I've been trying to stay calm,
Though my life's been so shitty.
I bite back my tongue,
Not to be crude and so witty.
I love you so much,
If only you could see.
That what I am right now,
Is what I'm meant to be.
So to make the time go by,
I listen to the same damn tune.
So I'll write another love song,
Until I see you soon.
Right by your side,
Is where I always belong,
Please don't say I told you so,
For I was right all along.

Dear Aber,

I've had my feelings of lingering,
Like the cool wind on your back.
Walking down the path of life,
You always seem to get off track.
I've loved and been hurt,
Had my fair share of tears.
But dear Aber,
You got rid of my fears.
I know Aber won't leave me,
Because he said that it's true.
That when the days get colder,
Everything turns a deeper blue.
He's the warmth in the sun,
The sparkle in the North star.
Like a much needed smile,
I know he's not far.
No way you're taking me down,
Though these days keep me up at night.
I'll stay awake with Aber,
Until the morning light.
Though I might can't hold you,
You're the love that's within.
Dear Aber this is your chapter,
And I don't know where to begin.

Here's A Little Story

Now here's a little story,
About a boy who was dying.
Everything crumbled down around him,
But he kept on trying.
Each night he layed down,
He listened to his own heart beat.
What he wanted was so simple,
Yet all he saw was defeat.
He woke up each morning,
And looked into the mirror.
His presence was disappearing,
Each day it became clearer.
He lost his balance time and again,
In the process breaking his own heart.
But he never gave up,
Always getting back up for a new start.
Someone once told him,
That for love you must wait.
So he waited for forever,
And then in came fate.
Tall, dark, and superman,
An angel was sent from above.
He answered all his dreams,
Gave him all his love.
The days became shorter,
And the wind blew cool.
Everything was perfect,
But this boy was no fool.
He knew he didn't deserve this,
It was all too much.
Though he ached for the angel,
And ached for his touch.
The day he was alone,
The boy threw the ring into the river.
He wasn't what the angel needed,
This realization sent down a shiver.
Selfish was what he was being,
But he couldn't help it one bit.
He knew he had to let go,
Though he always gave a fit.
Now this boy grew to love the angel,
More and more each day.
He prayed to God above,
That this is how it'd stay.
But the Lord is the creator,
And love is the game.
All alone in this world,
The boy couldn't utter his name.
He pushed the angel away,
And ran into the dark.
Hurting them both,
He left his mark.
Now take into consideration,
This story is all true.
Not a make believe fairytale,
But a story of me and you.
The boy had lost his way,
Cold and completely broken.
But every night he cursed,
And the words were never spoken.
His heart was on the verge of stopping,
He didn't know what to do.
So he screamed at the Heavens above,
To send him some kind of clue.
The sounds of love echoed,
Lightning struck down with thunder.
But he wasn't what the angel wanted,
And this made him shudder.
He knew that things happen,
And people tend to change.
He ran out of time,
Things became rearranged.
With his last thought,
He learnt to never say never.
And with his last breath,
Uttered "I'll love you forever".